I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well. Psalm 139:14
FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY Made
“No need to fix what God already put His paintbrush on..”
“I am not my hair, I am not this skin, I am not your expectations, no..”
“I am beautiful, no matter what they say..”
I can recall countless moments singing those lyrics, alone, while looking in the mirror. Singing while I was flooded with many emotions and tears rolling down my face as I constantly struggled to accept the reflection I would see staring back at me. Paired with memories of belting the same lyrics with friends, smiling and laughing in hopes to conceal the fact that I did not believe the lyrics we were singing so confidently.
The society we live in makes it extremely difficult to accept this message. “Fearfully and wonderfully made..” seems like a foreign concept when perfection is the standard and the criticism is debilitating if you don’t meet that. We live in a society where photoshop is the norm and people are only showing their best, creating a world where comparison and insecurity run rampant. My whole life, I struggled consistently with accepting that I was “fearfully and wonderfully” made. Growing up and being bullied about my appearance from my hair to my what my body looked like, caused a rip in my relationship with Jesus. I remember in 5th grade when I cut my hair very short in honor of my grandmother who passed from cancer, is when the bullying started and the my toxic relationship with me and my appearance took over. Starting then, I went on living only to make my appearance acceptable to everyone around me. Comparing myself to every thing that was deemed perfect by such a flawed audience. From trying to embrace the short hair, but being repeatedly compared to a boy. From getting braids and being told I looked “dirty” with them. From getting extensions and being called “one of those fast girls” or told I was fake. And those are just the watered down descriptions of the comments I had to endure. No matter what I did, there was always something wrong and something to be continuously criticized about. I went around and around for YEARS trying to find something that the world around me would accept. Nothing was ever good enough. I just went along with whatever drew the least amount of attention. The longer and straighter the hair, the better. So that’s what I stuck with. Clinging to any compliment I received as acceptance, even though I never fully accepted what I saw.
As a woman, our appearances are always THE focal point; our size, our hair, our skin, our smile, the list never ends. And as a black black girl, there is more added; whether we are light skinned or a darker complexion, what kind of curl texture do we have, our hair length. Something is always under a microscope. I spent years and years angry with God. Angry with Him about my hair, about my features, about everything concerning me. “fearfully and wonderfully made…” yeah right..
MARVELOUS Are YOUR Works
Finally at the age of 25, I’ve made the decision to wear my natural hair regardless of the length or the curl texture. To some, that may seem trivial, but to me and others who look like me, that is a hard decision to make and follow though with. Vulnerable moment, after I cut my hair, I came home and broke down when I saw my myself in the mirror. I was flooded with the memories of everything I was told growing up—— “You look like a man” “Is your hair even done?” “You need to look presentable” “Someone won’t love you if you go around looking like that” “You’re so ugly”—— phrase after phrase just kept replaying on a loop. I had people pouring positive notions into me, but they fell void. It wasn’t until I cried out to God, yet again, asking why He made me the way He did; why I had to have this hair and this body, why? This time, I got a response. I heard, ever so gently, “Why are you questioning Me? I made you in MY image. I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. I took time with everything about you.” As I kept talking back, I kept being met with gentleness. Then the thought came, “If God made me in HIS image and marvelous are HIS works, how much am I hurting Him when I say He “failed” in making me? When I question everything about me that HE thought of?”
You see, people are always going to have something to say. Whether you have the “perfect” standard expected by our society or not, there is always going to be something people aren’t happy with and they won’t hesitate to let you know that. I’ve realized that the more you focus on the One who created you, rather than the continuously changing standards and trends of this generation, the easier it is to really accept and understand Psalm 139:14. How comforting is it to know that every hair, every mark, every single thing concerning you was thought of and given just to you? That mark on your leg, that hair texture, that eye color, that body, everything was so intentionally thought of just for you.
After years of chasing the validation of those who fade away just as fast as the changing trends, I am choosing to believe what God has been telling me over and over. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. He makes no mistakes and He won’t start now and not with you or me. I challenge you to look in the mirror at whatever it is that is consuming you. Whether it is the length of your hair, the texture, the color of your skin, the scars you have, the size you are, whatever it is—–and tug on the love God has for you. Grasp on to the comfort that His works are marvelous…and that includes Y O U. Let go of trying to change for a society that is never going to be happy. Release the need to conform to the trends that fade in the blink of an eye. Let go of the exhaustion and disappointment and cling on to the confidence and peace that comes from knowing who you are because of who created YOU so intentionally.
It Will be Well,
E
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